That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
