Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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