when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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