Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
