how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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