It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
