Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
