i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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