Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
