I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
