I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
