You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
