I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
