He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
