We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
