if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
