Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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