I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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