New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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