i think my mom watched the whole time
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
