just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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