my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
