Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
