New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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