What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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