is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize