Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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