I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
