I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
