His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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