You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
