Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
