If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
