in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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