you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
