boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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