cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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