I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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