guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Farmville is her only friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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