I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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