Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
