in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
