I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This girl is more easily done than said...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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