This dress was meant to end up on your floor
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
