I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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