I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
