Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize