i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
