I want to have your abortion
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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