Buhtt sex?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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