His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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