dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
