Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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