yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Come on in and take your pants off
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