I'm lost and stupid without you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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