every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
