The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
