She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
