So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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