At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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