It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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