He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize