Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
