Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
