3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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